Men will brag about their successes and how many mountains they’ve climbed but rarely mention their failures. To know a man, his success and his failures are important. One of the first things my fiancée and I did was to connect with this part of us. I agree with the cliché that life is lived forwards and not backwards. And many schools of thought will articulate that the past is history and couples need to concentrate on the future. Though I am a firm believer of this point of view, I also believe that if a woman is going to progress into the future with someone who didn’t just exist, she needs to acquaint herself with how he grew to be her man. It is juvenile to close the past because the sum total of your man began from the day he was born.
You may need to ask your man questions about his childhood. Psychologists through many researches have revealed that a man’s character is formed before he turns 6 years old. You will surely need to know that part of him to truly connect with who he has become through the years because he brings that portion of him to you too. As a matter of fact, it is important you familiarize yourself with his childhood because a man will sometimes replay or relive those days. If he was constantly chastised or rebuked while growing up, He will snap at you if you exhibit that trait at some point. When this happens, you need to know what to do. If he was ridiculed in school about how ugly his face, jean, shirt was, you better be careful if you are prone to do that because he will bite. Some kids are exposed to drug, alcohol, sex, gangsterism at a very tender age. Even with closure, some of these traits could stare at you in the face once in a while.
You will need to ask about his parents or those who raised him. You can not overlook the influence of these people in a man’s life. Some men are still angry at those who raised them or how they were raised. Some are angry at those who weren’t available for them. A large portion of our men make decisions to raise a family on the basis of how they have been raised -what they had and never had will influence how they will treat you. (This issue is so important that I dedicated a whole point later on a man’s mother).
Another question to ask is about his successes and failures and don’t disregard what he tells you. Needless to say, many of your man’s life’s decisions were made at these points. Human motives and passion are formed on days when life made them look very ordinary or on days when they experienced great breakthroughs. How they experienced these events should be considered too. When I went days without food, I made a big decision to help the poor and marry someone with that passion too. Also, I spent so many days on the floor looking for support for my dreams; scouting for someone to just give me a hand. No one came and those who did mistreated me. I have tried since then to dispense my expertise and experience (at nearly no cost) to fresh entrepreneurs in publishing. I have since then made many noble contributions to starters. The words of Jesus, “to whom much is given, much is expected”.
It is easier to question a man’s passion for the poor without knowing his motivation and why he does the things he does. I know men who would give up their last meal to the poor or give shelter to the homeless amidst glaring dangers. Many marriages have hit the rocks because women couldn’t understand why their husbands acted in certain manners. Isn’t it better to know what drives him to avert troubles? Also, many a man have nurtured immense guilt because of their mistakes and failures in the past. It is honorable to find these areas (if there are any) and make peace with them.
(Another question to ask is his exes or past relationships but because of how important this issue is, I have dedicated a whole point to discuss it.)
It is paramount to give you this advice and for emphasis, I am using capital letters. NEVER COMMIT WITH A MAN YOU HAVE NOT ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT HIS PAST. NEVER!!!
Please come back for part V
