10 THINGS YOUR MAN BRINGS INTO THE RELATIONSHIP PART IX: HIS TEMPERAMENT

Temperament as we have read in many books is why a person acts the way he does. To narrow down the definitions to this series, Temperament is why and how your man acts in certain ways. This is based on certain influences; some genetic, some cultivated by childhood conditioning and others, by habits groomed over a long period of time.

Recently I was watching a movie with my wife when suddenly a character got me laughing uncontrollably. I didn’t know when in my excitement I slapped her arm (not very hard and yet not very gentle). It would have gone unnoticed by me if she had not screeched. Instantly I knew what had happened. You see, I do that with my siblings a lot while growing up. We really enjoy our movie time. When a part is funny, we will pause the movie and laugh. Sometimes a person gets ecstatic and slaps the next person (light). It’s like saying did you just see or hear that? Depending on topics, sometimes we pause for a while and talk about it or argue and then continue. Those were learning periods in our lives as a family to hear others out on certain topics or unleash our anger or admiration for a certain character in a movie. Unfortunately, that's strange to my wife. But it’s been a part of me eon and eon now.

Your man has many characteristics already engraved into his personality. Quite honestly, some of them are not as irritating as we claim. I am not creating awful arguments for infuriating habits to thrive. Just look closely sweetheart, some of the things he does are not really bad; they are just different. Different sometimes is quickly regarded as bad but is it really?

There is a possibility that what your man does or how and why he does it is beyond his control. And I believe many people have tried to change him and have failed. I have no problems with change; in fact I am a strong advocate of adjustment in a relationship to better bond with your partner especially if it’s symbiotic. I usually have problems with how we demand change from men. We often want it too fast, too soon or too badly like your man is completely horrible because of that temperament. We stop seeing his good side and keep pummeling him until we see change (And that's why we often don’t). Change comes with love and trust and not by how often or how hard with make our point.

Today I want you to recognize the temperament or characteristic in your man that has been irritating and try the following advice.

Is he happy?

We are naturally selfish. We want what makes us happy and ignore our partner’s needs. I am not saying that we shouldn’t desire change in our partners and be unhappy ourselves. The truth is that people change when they are happy and feel secure that you don’t judge them regardless their habits. Happiness is important in a relationship. When you make someone happy, you get more yourself.

Adjust, join the groove or change your approach.

Enjoy the moment. Instead of picking a fight every time he irritates you, enjoy it with him if he’s enjoying it himself. If it’s something you can fix without complaining, please do it. You should know by now that complaining and nagging doesn’t work with men – always makes things worse. My wife calls me Mr. CrumbsMaker and that’s because I make crumbs. (Now that’s a secret between us. Don’t tell her I told you and don’t call me that. Lol. Yeah she will read this anyway). Few days ago she walked into my home-office space and said “babe, the crumbs you made in the kitchen attracted ants. Just wanted you to know.” I quickly apologized and when she left, I was troubled and I am more careful now when I eat or snack. That is more effective approach than nagging.

Do you have temperaments?

I don’t think you are lying to yourself that you are all spotless and everything you do is perfect because that would be the deception that brings desolation. Treat your man like you are not perfect yourself and obey the great rule: Do unto others what you want others to do unto you. If you want understanding, give understanding when it’s required from you.

Applaud/reward good temperament.

Compliment good temperament and compliment good habits. Your man should know that regardless the bad; you see more good in him. Don’t magnify bad and be silent on good.

You should know this

Some temperaments/habits will never go away, some will go with time and others can be fixed right away. It is important to know the devil you are fighting. Don’t make unrealistic demand. Be wise with the change you desire.

Finally

It is paramount to state that there are temperaments/habits that should go away with their proprietor instantly before they have a chance to destroy you. Stop trying to fix abuse, drugs, unfaithfulness etc in your man. Some people need treatment and you are not a doctor. Even if you were, you are in a compromised position to offer any form of medication. So let them go.

May God bless your relationship.

10 THINGS YOUR MAN BRINGS INTO THE RELATIONSHIP PART VIII: HIS GOD

Every man worships a god, yes even atheists. While some allow the living God to be the Lord of their lives, others are the slaves of their stomachs, their urge or some other human beings. It’s the 21^st century and many mythological and man-made gods are disappearing and leaving us obsessed with other gods so silent that until we look closely we can’t notice them. Even in Africa, the carved gods are becoming extinct and they are being replaced by these muted, modern, scientific gods. When was the last time you heard of the Greek mythological gods like Eros, Zeus, Apollo, and Artemis or in Africa; Oduduwa, Shango, Sopona and others? If you read as much as I do you will agree with me that they are silently stories we hear in museums. You want to know the replacement? Just look closely at you and around you. Do you notice how men have replaced these gods with food, sex, fashion, work etc. just as there are thousands of mythological gods, there are thousands of self-imposed gods in our lives these days? Needless to say, these self-imposed gods run our lives and influence our decisions. Their havoc is unquantifiable too. To know a man or the destiny of your relationship, study his gods or God.

Sadly the devil is not in direct contact with many men or tempting them to do evil anymore. His plan is to push them to yielding to something or someone to the point of worship. In my opinion, the devil is busy with some serious business of causing global pandemic or architecting the destruction of a large quantity of people as we have witnessed in our world lately like September 11 catastrophe in the United States, floods, earthquakes, crisis, hunger. He has not visited many men on earth lately and whatever they did and held the devil responsible for was the doing of the gods they have created for themselves. Don’t you know that to whom or what you yield the control of your life has become your god?

I intend to make this article brief and hit the nail on the head quickly but I will not find rest if I don’t say this. Jesus Christ is the Prince of Peace. He calmed the raging storm, and saved His friends; the disciples from tragic death. You need a man whose god is the Lord, whose standard is the bible and who will be willing to love you like Christ did to the church and lay down His life for her. We know that as humans our strength is limited. But a man who looks up to God for support always finds a way. As it is written, “…the name of the Lord is a strong tower, the righteous runs into it and they are saved”. You can always count on God to save your relationship when you don’t have enough strength to do it. Men whose gods are their stomach, their sexual urge, their abilities will always fail because vain is the strength of man. But those who put their trust in the living God will soar with the wings of the eagle when troubles come. And though they fall seven times, they will rise again stronger and better for you because they lean on a strength that is bigger than theirs.

The god in your man matters especially in these perilous days of innumerable divorce and abuse. Pray if your man knows not God. And may the spirit of God speak to His soul and spirit to hear the call. Remember, Christ in us the hope of glory. See you soon.

Remain blessed

Collins Agboju