For some minutes I fought the temptation of opening an article of this nature with this question; what words would you use to describe your man's mother? It just didn't sit well with me and I don't want the question ticking anybody off before they even start reading. I also do not intend this article to be an emotional one but one that will sign us up for deeper thought and realization. Many books have been written against MIL (mother-in-laws) and since I don't have any, I am not a good candidate for that line of thought because I simply do not know how they go about their business.
On my job as a relationship advisor and in my relationships I have heard really heartrending opinions about mothers especially mother-in-laws. Words like witch, difficult, unappreciative, psychotic, verbally abusive, acts like a 5 year old, can do nothing for herself, whiny, backstabbing, she releases horrible outbursts of psychotic anger, overprotective, a**hole, have been used to describe mothers. While some are using horrendous adjectives to describe the one who gave their men life (forgetting that there wouldn't have been your so called adorable man, if she had aborted him at conception), I have also heard countless great accolades showered on mothers, even mother-in-laws. I believe my wife will agree that my mom is every word that follows: loving, bigheart, role-model, thoughtful, hardworking, and honorable. She is also beautiful and supportive. No matter what your mother-in-law or man's mother is, this article is for you. Among other things your man brings into the relationship, his mother (good or bad) is major; yes I mean MAJOR. There is no way to go around it; your man's mother is a major influence on his life, your relationship and your future together.
HERE IS WHY SHE IS MAJOR AND NOT A MINOR INFLUENCE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP
She was his first woman: Before you stepped in the door, she was. She was the first contact he had with the copy of a woman. Don't ignore that. Just as we all have an opinion of something by our first contact with that object, his opinion of women began with her. FYI - that opinion is for a lifetime. She is usually his best or worst standard for making the choice of a woman. Your man is either running away from his mother's characteristics or running to it. This is important. When he talked with you the first time (I mean in serious relationships), he wanted to date you because of one of these two reasons. 1. You are like his mother (in cases where his mother is sweet). 2. You are not like his mother (when his mother is a monster). In most cases, you are his mini-mother or unlike the monster he calls mother. Among other things, he brings his mother to your relationship either he is running away from her attributes or wanting more of her in you. A smart move is to know this and use it for the benefit of your relationship.
She molded him: A man is his mother's son. When she rebuked him for cursing or allowed him, she was molding him. When she made him go to church every Sunday or let him play video games she was molding him. At times when she made him do his assignments instead of watching TV, when she tuck him into bed or let him stay up late, she was molding him. Many characteristics he's displayed were taught him by mama when she was nursing and raising him. Psychologists have said that the foundation of a man's characters was laid before he turned 6 years old. Anything else after is a building on that foundation. Over the years he's learned to make his own decisions but what he was configured to do in his early years will possibly be with him for a lifetime except by divine intervention. You will need to know how he was brought up to understand him better.
He is still connected to his mother in deeper ways: The bible says in Leviticus that the life of a thing is in its blood and your man is the product of blood. Not only did she nurse him, he is a part of her. Do you understand me? He is a part of his mother as well as his father (but we are not talking his father today). He lived in her for 9 months and ate only because she ate and breath only because she did. What made you think he wasn't angry when she was or even sick? What made you think they don't share characteristics? I am not saying a man is exactly his mother; he is different but not absolutely. I think his mother should be a case study for you if you want to know him better. Don't love the man and ignore his mother. As long as it depends on you, love her as Christ loved
the church. She is worthy of at least one honor; she gave your man life
when she could have taken it.
Here is a word of advice: don't try to disconnect a man from his mother because you don't like her. Even if he is angry with his mother and considers her a monster. It is not in your place to do anything to facilitate that. Here are my reasons: first, she is his mother who gave him life. Secondly, he is his mother's son and you need to know her to both know him and appreciate him. And finally, she did the best she could to raise him; you may not like how she raised him but that's all she had to give (maybe based on how she was raised too). Instead of hating, love her. And for great moms, do all you can to make them happy.
Purest love,
Collins Agboju
