“All the good ones have been taken.”
“There is no one out there for me anymore”
“Maybe God created me to be single forever”
“No one is gonna like me”
“No one is interested in me because I am not good enough”
Are people using these excuses really blind? There are single men and women everywhere - in the park, office, stairways, banks, galleria, restaurants etc. More men and women are meeting the right people everywhere, all the time. The fact that you have been single for years doesn’t mean there is no one out there for you. Also, the fact that your friends and everyone around you have issues with the love of their lives doesn’t mean there are no good men. You just need to rethink and debunk your attachment to the scarcity myth that single people suffer from. That has been the reason for your inability to have that special person in your life. There are men and women everywhere waiting for you to find them. If you cling to the scarcity myth, you may never find them forever because the secret to finding love is imbedded in an objective mind not just a beautiful face. You have to realize that things move in the direction of your dominant thought. So if you think “all good men are taken”, you can never find them or you will ignore every opportunity life throws your way daily. I was SINGLE for a long time and yet met countless women who PERCEIVED that I had been taken. The scarcity myth, no doubt influenced that perception by suggesting to them that such a “good man” must have been taken. That’s quite unfortunate.
I am suggesting a few ways to help debunk the scarcity myth. I have created an exercise that will draw you closer to that special person you have been waiting for all your life. Please follow me and wholeheartedly participate in the following experiment for three weeks. Your only requirement will be an open mind, a few spare minutes each day, and a desire to change the way you relate with every person you meet every day.
WEEK #1
DON'T ACT UNINTERESTED- YOU AINT:
Make a simple eye contact with someone you find attractive (who you don't even know) every day for a week. You can do this in the elevator in your office building, while having quick bite at Chicken Republic, in line for your turn at the bank, or in a social setting (party, picnic, etc.). It's not important where you do this exercise only that you start getting comfortable making eye contact with potential partners. Also, the world is a global village and there are good men and women everywhere even online. I do not expect to receive a pat on the back from everyone on this but I have seen it worked. The fact that some people disagree with it does not make it ineffective. Poke someone on facebook, twitter, hi5, Naijapals, blogville that you don’t know but like his/her profile and updates. Chat with people you have admired their updates, leave a comment on their page or inbox a message to them to snowball a conversation. I do not mean you should be forward because it will destroy your chances but a selfless comment on someone’s page you don’t know might be the beginning of actualizing your dream. This is your assignment this week.
WEEK #2
THIS WEEK SMILE AND SMILE AGAIN AT PEOPLE.
This is gonna be hard for some people who are too serious. The truth about a smile is that it is contagious and attracts an equivalent response or better. Chances are that you will get a smile back after you give one. When you smile at people, it means you like them or something about them. We all like people who like us and show interest in us and spontaneously we gravitate towards a smile that a frown. So your assignment this week is to make eye contact and smile at atleast one person you find attractive every day. It doesn't have to go any further than that (don't expect him/her to ask for your phone number or commence a conversation). This is simply an exercise in getting comfortable engaging potential partners.
WEEK #3
TIME TO OPEN YOUR MOUTH
Some of us do not know how to start conversations. We can talk for hours with friends but never with strangers; worst yet is with people we are admiring. It doesn’t go down well with some of us. I have heard excuses such as shyness, ego, fear of been ignored etc as reasons why people have cold feet when it’s time to engage in a discussion with a total stranger. But the truth is if we have to make friends and eventually lovers, we have to learn how to swallow our pride and untie our tongues. Your body is your servant and so you can control how it acts. Push you body this week to make small talk with at least one person you find attractive every day. You don't have to think of the wittiest conversation-starter ever. The goal is to just get the ball rolling. Potential conversation-starters can be as simple as:
* Hello
* are you having a good day?
* I like your shoes/tie/suit/dress.
If you can muzzle your energy to commence a conversation, his/her response will determine the future of your friendship. Opening the conversation is hard but once you received a response, looks into his/her eyes with a smile while you engage in creative conversation. Oftentimes, the conversation will metamorphose into additional conversation and then more again. If this happens, great and if not, your job for the day is done and you can move on. If for some reasons, the object of your attention is rude or dismissive, don't take it personally and don’t let it affect your next move. There is abundance of potential partners everywhere, they may not be interested. Don’t let it bother you because it has nothing to do with you and it doesn’t mean that this experiment doesn’t work. The essence of this practice is that though potential partners may not always be available or interested, getting into the ACT of noticing and acknowledging them, you’re more likely to find that special person in your life than sitting and waiting for a miracle to meet you at home. We will have to wait for a lifetime for that opportunity that may never surface. An old song is worthy of note here, “you can get it if you really want but you must try, try and try, try and try, you’ll succeed at last”.
CHANGE YOUR ROUTINE
Some routine are depressive and kill chances to finding that special one. For instance, if your routine is in this manner: home, work, gym and back home, then you are setting yourself up for a single life time. At least once a week from now on, break the routine and put yourself in a target-rich environment. Suggested activities include:
1. Stop by the bookstore, supermarket etc after work and browse a topic of interest while keeping your eye out for any cuties. They are everywhere and you only need to look well.
2. Recruit your colleague for an after work hang out at the nearest joint. In addition to hanging with your buddies, use your third-eye to scan scene for potential partners. Thank God Nigeria and the world at large is creating more joints by the day. There is Silver Bird Galleria, parks, recreational facilities coming up everywhere. You can have a good catch.
3. Do some research for a fun singles' activity, i.e. a single fellowship, a concert, a book club, professional clubs etc. you can find a cause near and dear to your heart and volunteer on a Saturday or Sunday. You never know who you'll meet!
These are just some of the suggested activities you should engage in. Remember, the goal is not necessarily to get a partner, but to get you out of your monotonous routine that may be keeping you from meeting potential partners. The more you put yourself in target-rich environments and get comfortable talking to strangers, the better.
Best of luck
