Everyone wants to score high points with friend and no matter how self sufficient people appear on the surface, they will cry if they have no friends to appreciate them. I do like to be appreciated too. Now that’s not a problem except this need is pushing you to please everyone s as to stay in their good books at the expense of your happiness. Yes, he that hath friends should show himself friendly but exposing yourselves to nasty, selfish people who are only pretending to like you just to satisfy their own agendas is way outta line. You gotta know when someone is using you as a means to an end and draw the line. As it were, there is a thin line separating being nice and being a fool. I say this because I know what it means. I hope this few points below will help you decipher when someone is a friend or a user and give you the required energy to kick them outta your life to enjoy serenity once more. God wants us to complement one another and not to be used.
LET’S LOOK AT YOUR RELATIONSHIP.
What’s a healthy relationship? If it means being your partner’s personal chauffeur, cook, running their errands, and paying for everything, you may be in trouble. If having to squeeze out cash every time he/she has a problem or wake outta bed in the midnight because she has a bad dream is the idea of a perfect relationship, then you don’t have a mate, you have a BIG PROBLEM. Relationship is not taking over someone’s life but complementing it. Before you stepped into their lives, your partner was handling more critical issue, why have you become everything now? My experience in counseling sees problems in a situation like this one. You are not a father/mother, you are a lover. Giving your partner the moon and the stars as widely promoted by Hollywoods and all the “woods”, especially in the beginning of your relationship, puts him/her in a situation where they may want to keep you around if only to be spoiled. That’s incorrect sir.
ARE YOUR FRIENDS USING YOU?
Take a holistic, unemotional and critical study at the people you call friends. Do they genuinely care about you, or are they putting up with you due to an ulterior motive?
Well, you gotta wake up to the real world! Friendship should not cost you a fortune. As a matter of fact, friendship is not having a bunch of parasites and pests waiting for your next paycheck to unveil their need because they know you value the friendship or maybe because they think you are stupid not to decipher their intentions. Friendship should not involve dealing with moochers, which is exactly what you're doing. Am I the only one seeing that these supposed "friends" of yours are only be using you and they are enjoying the ride because you are letting them. And even if they aren't doing it on purpose, the fact that you sit idly by without doing anything about it will not help matters much. Be wary my friend and don’t allow them take you for a ride next time.
THE FAMILY
Is doing everything what family is all about? I don't think so. Last month you emptied you income to pay the school fees of your younger ones. This month, you have to pay the rent and then next month’s salary is for mama’s town’s meeting contribution and another month is dedicated to paying a debt your jobless brother got from the bank. I understand you are generous but if you constantly bail out your siblings, financially or otherwise, then you risk becoming their backbone for life. I know this because until recently, my mom did that for her family and exposed us her children to difficulty. Worse is that most of these so called charitable services are unappreciated. So get your life and let others carry their burden for a while. Help is vital but becoming everything is a suicide mission. I know it’s hard to say “no” to a member of your family or even a friend you've had for life because you feel it's your duty to help them out. But you cant keep doing this. When will you find your life?
YOUR CANT BE DOING ALL THE WORK IN THE OFFICE.
The office is another place we have to take a look at. It’s easier to slip into the role of THE DONKEY in the office. Taking responsibility for other's mishaps and doing other people's work may be your way of scoring points and it seems you are doing so well. But are you really? You gotta ask yourself honestly why you the only bursting your butt during holidays and everyone is having vacations. Don’t deceive yourself by thinking you are valuable. If you were, why didn’t your company double your pay? The company doesn’t pay for your extra work because others were assigned to the work already and you are only their donkey. Yes, you may as well tattoo "sucker" on your forehead. Chances are, you're not getting the respect you deserve. You gotta learn to stick your nose where it belongs and let others work too. They are only USING YOU. I thought you’d see that. The workplace is especially tricky because there isn't that emotional attachment you have with loved ones at home. Therefore, someone will not feel as guilty when they take advantage of you.
THE ORIGIN?
Everyone has a need to please people but yours is way beyond normal and has become a disease – a disease that needs emergency surgery. If you are asking why, this is the real why. People like you have a dire need to be accepted and an accomplishment makes you feel like a person. And because you want to feel like a human being too or be regarded as a success, you're willing to go to great lengths to achieve that status. This is a dominant characteristic in those who have trouble making or keeping friends, or even getting a relationship. Also, for shy people, it simply reflects a need to keep the peace. As it were, shy people are so scared of confronting people and making enemies that they willingly let people get away with treating them as doormat. In any case, what you are essentially doing is bribing people to like you. You're assembling an entourage under false pretenses and, in doing so, are making a mockery of yourself. Enemies sometimes abound when you do not accept others treating us like trash. In this case, we cannot help it.
4 WAYS TO GETTING YOUR LIFE BACK
1- STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE GIVING.
Not everyone is taking advantage of you but you have to separate those who are for real from those who are using you. So for a while, pretend to forget your wallet when you hang out with your buddies. Take a break when a there is a dirty job to be done and even decide not answer the call of your needy girlfriend. Yes, you have to do it. Stop giving up all your free time and cash for them. Those who really care about you will have no problem giving and taking. Those who were just using you, on the other hand, will likely take the exit door, doing you a huge a favor in the process because you don’t need them anyway.
2- SPEAK OUT.
You have been swallowing shit from everyone and the time has come to let them know you have feelings too. Gather up whatever dignity you have left and get a few things off your chest. Don’t worry about who likes it or not. If someone steps on your toes, let them know it hurts. Don’t smile and say it’s alright anymore. People have to know that it hurts too or else they turn you to a dumping ground for every nonsense. If you feel as though you are being mistreated, make sure you let the culprits know that you don’t like it. Even if you have to engage in a verbal brawl, at least they'll get the message that you will no longer be their personal doormat or dustbin.
3- A NEW BEGINNING
Very likely a large chunk of your friends will give flimsy excuses and look for the next available doormat. Their departure might be all sudden and without a cogent reason. But it's a small price to pay to get your life back and be treated as a human. When they leave, they will afford you the opportunity to start afresh and meet new people who will value your new state of mind. Believe me, there is nothing as having friends, relationships etc who value your contribution and give you due respect for them. Under chronic situation, I will advice a change of jobs, relationship or environment, if you can. Do whatever is necessary to get your spine back.
4 - PROTECT YOURSELF
Let people appreciate the real you and those who cannot do that have no reason to be near you. Your well-being should come first, and if you find that your good deeds aren't being reciprocated, it's time to cut that person loose and move on. You deserve something better.
See you soon. love y'all.
