10 THINGS YOUR MAN BRINGS INTO THE RELATIONSHIP V - HIS EX.

You can tell a lot about a person by just listening to their experience with their ex. For men, it is truer. One basic determinant of the present or future tendencies of any human being in relationship can be understood by just studying his past relationships. How they handled people who were there before you says so much about how they are going handle you.

Some days ago I approached a realtor for house rental as I am trying to move into a new home. One basic information I was asked to provide was my last job, my last landlord and why I left my last home. It was no surprise for me because we can only expect a man to tell us how great they are but a study into their past will reveal their true personality. While it is okay to say that we should not judge people by their past, it will be inappropriate to ignore it.

Men can be catalogued and remain in that category for a lifetime because they are often constant. In other words, you can be able to anticipate a man’s behavioral pattern by studying his past relationships or what category he belongs. But women have the propensity to acclimatize to situation and the people they deal with. In other words, a woman is like a chameleon; she can adjust or reinvent herself (if she wants to) to the man she is with per time. But men are more constant, which means the probability that a man will be what he was 10 years ago is close to 1 if not 1.

An abusive man 10 years ago may still be abusive 10 years after. You can say the same of a caring man as also of an unfaithful man, a manipulative man, a stingy man, a lazy man etc. No matter what he tells you, how many flowers he brings to your door-step everyday, and how many songs he serenades you with. A man is constant until he is influenced by a stronger force which in this case could be God or a therapist. How do you know if he has truly changed? One determining factor is that he takes his share of blame in past relationships and apologizes for them. He speaks well about past relationships and not looks for every opportunity to condemn his ex.

I have made it a point of call for all my relationships before getting serious to ask questions about exes. It is easy to be blinded by promises and emotions. Many people have fallen into the traps of promises by building their hopes and expectations on lies and façade. Don’t make that mistake. Ask questions and don’t be tired of asking if in anyway your man is blocking initially.

PAST TIES

I live in the United States and it is getting more difficult to find single women or men without children. It is so unfortunate that many boys and girls churning out children as early as 15 years old. Woman and men in their late 20s without children are considered sick. It is pathetic. A lot of men will be paying child support for the rest of their lives because they have children by different women. And you should know about this before getting serious with any man. Aside child support, your man will constantly be in touch with his ex (or exes) for the child’s sake. It is no longer news that men usually have sexual encounter with their baby’s momma during such contacts. Don’t pretend it’s okay because he is a nice person. Ask questions and keep asking until you are satisfied.

It will be inappropriate to not mention a man’s experience with his ex. If it is a good one, you may live your life keeping up with the record of his ex. Believe me your man brings that to you too. If he talks about his ex all the time especially when you are “wrong”, remind him that you are a different person and do not appreciate being compared with her. I bet you don’t wanna go down that road if he still considers her better even after your explanation. You may not win this fight. Whether you live in America, Africa or Europe, exes are a strong forces to deal with because they were with your man before you and sometimes longer. And invariably know him better. For instance, I was with my ex for 5 years and without any disrespect, I can tell her man many things about her and vise versa. Knowledge makes exes a strong force to reckon with but if your man is over with his ex, he truly is. How do you know if he truly is over? He doesn’t compare you to her and is not spending time with her even under the guise of “we’re just friends”.

Finally, don’t judge people by their past but don’t make any form of future commitment if you have to constantly look over your shoulders. You know what I mean.

Please come back for part VI