10 THINGS YOUR MAN BRINGS INTO THE RELATIONSHIP PART VII: HIS MOTHER

For some minutes I fought the temptation of opening an article of this nature with this question; what words would you use to describe your man's mother? It just didn't sit well with me and I don't want the question ticking anybody off before they even start reading. I also do not intend this article to be an emotional one but one that will sign us up for deeper thought and realization. Many books have been written against MIL (mother-in-laws) and since I don't have any, I am not a good candidate for that line of thought because I simply do not know how they go about their business.

On my job as a relationship advisor and in my relationships I have heard really heartrending opinions about mothers especially mother-in-laws. Words like witch, difficult, unappreciative, psychotic, verbally abusive, acts like a 5 year old, can do nothing for herself, whiny, backstabbing, she releases horrible outbursts of psychotic anger, overprotective, a**hole, have been used to describe mothers. While some are using horrendous adjectives to describe the one who gave their men life (forgetting that there wouldn't have been your so called adorable man, if she had aborted him at conception), I have also heard countless great accolades showered on mothers, even mother-in-laws. I believe my wife will agree that my mom is every word that follows: loving, bigheart, role-model, thoughtful, hardworking, and honorable. She is also beautiful and supportive. No matter what your mother-in-law or man's mother is, this article is for you. Among other things your man brings into the relationship, his mother (good or bad) is major; yes I mean MAJOR. There is no way to go around it; your man's mother is a major influence on his life, your relationship and your future together.

HERE IS WHY SHE IS MAJOR AND NOT A MINOR INFLUENCE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP

She was his first woman: Before you stepped in the door, she was. She was the first contact he had with the copy of a woman. Don't ignore that. Just as we all have an opinion of something by our first contact with that object, his opinion of women began with her. FYI - that opinion is for a lifetime. She is usually his best or worst standard for making the choice of a woman. Your man is either running away from his mother's characteristics or running to it. This is important. When he talked with you the first time (I mean in serious relationships), he wanted to date you because of one of these two reasons. 1. You are like his mother (in cases where his mother is sweet). 2. You are not like his mother (when his mother is a monster). In most cases, you are his mini-mother or unlike the monster he calls mother. Among other things, he brings his mother to your relationship either he is running away from her attributes or wanting more of her in you. A smart move is to know this and use it for the benefit of your relationship.

She molded him:  A man is his mother's son. When she rebuked him for cursing or allowed him, she was molding him. When she made him go to church every Sunday or let him play video games she was molding him. At times when she made him do his assignments instead of watching TV, when she tuck him into bed or let him stay up late, she was molding him. Many characteristics he's displayed were taught him by mama when she was nursing and raising him. Psychologists have said that the foundation of a man's characters was laid before he turned 6 years old. Anything else after is a building on that foundation. Over the years he's learned to make his own decisions but what he was configured to do in his early years will possibly be with him for a lifetime except by divine intervention. You will need to know how he was brought up to understand him better.

He is still connected to his mother in deeper ways:  The bible says in Leviticus that the life of a thing is in its blood and your man is the product of blood. Not only did she nurse him, he is a part of her. Do you understand me? He is a part of his mother as well as his father (but we are not talking his father today). He lived in her for 9 months and ate only because she ate and breath only because she did. What made you think he wasn't angry when she was or even sick? What made you think they don't share characteristics? I am not saying a man is exactly his mother; he is different but not absolutely. I think his mother should be a case study for you if you want to know him better. Don't love the man and ignore his mother. As long as it depends on you, love her as Christ loved the church. She is worthy of at least one honor; she gave your man life when she could have taken it.

Here is a word of advice: don't try to disconnect a man from his mother because you don't like her. Even if he is angry with his mother and considers her a monster. It is not in your place to do anything to facilitate that. Here are my reasons: first, she is his mother who gave him life. Secondly, he is his mother's son and you need to know her to both know him and appreciate him. And finally, she did the best she could to raise him; you may not like how she raised him but that's all she had to give (maybe based on how she was raised too). Instead of hating, love her. And for great moms, do all you can to make them happy.

Purest love,

Collins Agboju

10+ SNEAKY GUYS TRICKS A WOMAN SHOULD NEVER FALL FOR.

I was at the library a while ago and two well dressed, (in my initial assessment) smart women sat next to me. I was almost certain they are smart women until they opened their mouths. They were so loud with the description of their dirty linens in a public place meant for intellectual research that I had to move two tables away to be able to concentrate. Yet it seems that the farther I moved, the louder they became forcing me to do nothing else but listen to they dialogue. Yeah I know its bad mannerism to listen to other people’s conversation but it was right in my face and I couldn’t help it. The content of their discussion inspired this article. The sneaky things men do. I hope you like it.

1.  Excessive hugging to check out what you've got: he claims he's just a friend but can’t keep his hands away from you “private” areas. Tell him to go get married. He's sneaky.

2. The line, “sorry do I know you from somewhere?” We all know that It's an outdated line used by our granddads to pick a woman in the 20s. He’s probably done that to many women. Best answer – No I dunno ya, smile and click the ignore button.

3. Catch him checking out another gorgeous girl: he says “oh baby, checking her Louis Vuitton. Wanna get it for you on your birthday.” Do you believe that crap?

4.   He's got this girl he's close with: he claims she's just a friend. She cooks for him, does his laundry and calls him at weird hours. Then you saw her underwear and toothbrush in his bathroom. Your man stutters and says, “oh em em em… em baby it's not what you think. She got a stain while helping out in the kitchen.” It also affected her panties too?  And what is the lie about her toothbrush? What does he take you for?

5.  Doesn't want you to visit or wants a call before you come: He claims he loves you but has an excuse every time you wanna visit. Prefers taking you out and claims it's serene there. Where's more serene than home? You gotta call your man before you visit? Your dude's got skeletons. 

6. He answers lots of calls from women he claims are just friends. The weird thing is that he answers them in private. Wise up gurl. I bet he answers your call in private when he's with them too.

7. Still on call: his phone is on silent, switched off or he ignores calls when he’s with you. Sometimes he registers names with codes. Eg, IT, Ti, BM, G2, PC etc. You buy that crap? Bless sis.

8. You are at a party and he’s not holding you as usual. He doesn't even sit close to you. You got worried and attempt to be close to your fine dude. But he says “Baby, I’ve got slight headache.” Yet drinks and eats and even laughs with friends as usual. You believe him? Nah! He’s either checking out another babe or one of his girlfriends is close feet away.

9. Your name is Jennifer yet he unconsciously calls you by another name like Sandra, Titi, Magdalene, Dorcas. You think its normal or you dismiss it as a mistake. Wait a minute sugar!!! You are either dumb or nonchalant. His mother, sisters or anyone you know him with doesn’t go by that name. Who then is Sandra? Ask him next time he calls you another name. He’s spending time with another woman or you’re the other woman. I fear you are the other woman because out of the abundances of the mind the mouth speaks.

10. You saw a used condom in his jacket and he say gives a whole "kakameme" story about how his friend tuck it into jacket and forgot to retrieve it. What happened to his friends pocket that he cannot keep his things? be wise, he is damn sneaky.

11. Every time you go out and it's time to pay, that's when he strikes a conversation with a person across the table, goes to the bathroom or forgets his wallet. Are you kidding me? okay next time don't pay until he gets back and give him the bill. he's a sneaky freeloader

Gotta go. Feel free to comment on this post and add to this list of sneaky guys tricks if you have an experience with one or suggestion.

NOTE:

Next post I will continue our series of, 10 THINGS A MAN BRINGS INTO THE RELATIONSHIP PART VII.

Purest Love,

Collins Agboju