Gone are the days that “orobo” was the talk of the town; the days when it’s customary in some States in Nigeria (I won’t mention names) who glorify big bodies to introduced a woman who is about to be married into the “fatting room” for months where she’s overfed and encouraged to blow her size to appeal her husband. In those days, orobo was sexy and men like their women bigger and round. As for lepa, she’s repulsive and unfit for marriage. Today, there is a new trend in fashion that favors the “lepa”. It still baffles me how fast things have changed; how People no longer wished for bigger bodies like I wished for it in my growing up days.
In my growing up days, those who were “fortunate” like me to be tall and slim were called “sugar cane or thread”. I remember how I will lock myself up in the room and wish for a body type dominant in Nigeria then. “Lord!” I'd cry bitterly, “Why did you create me thin.” When answers weren't forthcoming from God's throne, I decided to help myself as the saying goes, “heaven helps those who help themselves”. In the midst of my bitterness, I would eat large chunk of food and sleep all day yet, I was like “angulu”, the vulture who no matter what he eats; he's still miserably thin. I hated my body and gradually, I began to lose grasp of my self-esteem like many people are innocently doing today. Comparison bought me over and I was gradually switching off my once happy world into a pity party.
Sistaz were more exposed to criticism in those days in words or actions. Then, there were less fashion styles to bring out the hidden beauty within the lepas. Guys make matters worse then; they looked at slim sistaz as unworthy of love – as if love will break them into two. I remember a sista in my high school that wore more dress inside her uniform to be big and appeal the male folks who didnt see anything good in lepacious sistas. But now, the ball is in the court of the “orobos”. While a slim person could wear many clothes to have a big body, it's impossible for a fat person to try the same trick and be successful. If it were possible for a sista to hide her big body underneath her clothes, most ladies would have become overnight “lepa”. Could this be the reason why 'orobos' lament the more these days? Lol.
Have you noticed that it's becoming more unfashionable for big people to get themselves into fine dresses in this age that western fashion seems to determine style? Body hugs and leggings become too tight for them and miniskirts and suits usually look terrible on them. What about spaghetti and “show me your navel” styles? They reveal stretch marks and make big people altogether outta style. Despite the desire of big sistaz to follow the fashion trend of the new millennium, they find themselves in native wears most times, which is getting out of style every passing day. This too is a burden of big people.
Are you bigger than you desire? Do you always wish you were slimmer so as to be able to wear all the latest fashion styles? Do you envy slim people? Do you sometimes go into boutiques and wish you were slim enough to buy some styles? Do you think you are repulsive because of your size? If your answer is in the affirmative, you are suffering from one of the greatest diseases in the whole world. It’s called: COMPARISON!
Before you go looking for magazines and books with titles as Weight-Loss Strategies,
Lose 50 Pounds in a Week, “Top Secrets to Dieting” etc, it is paramount to try the following point. It is the first step to weight loss if you so care.
WHETHER FAT OR SLIM; YOU ARE NOT LESS OR BETTER
I agree you cannot wear all the latest style. Maybe your friends call you “orobo” and you have cried and fought sometimes. It’s time to stop and look at yourself again. The true content of a man is in his soul and spirit not his body. Don't be deceived by the new fashion trend and motivational junks that says, the cover reveals the content. The most beautiful gifts in life come in unattractive packages. Gold comes with a dirty package and same with rainfall, it comes after a dark cloud. Don't get me wrong! You are beautiful with or without those latest fashions styles because your soul and spirit is beautiful.
Don't allow your cover stop you from unleashing your content. Satan's lie is to distract you into comparison, steal your joy and negate your growth. Monique in PHAT GIRLS is big yet beautiful. My respect for her increased when I read in an article long before the movie, Phat Girls hit the movies. In her words, “I am fat and happy”. Despite the harshness of the criticism for fat people in her country, she didn't allow her weight to stop her soul and spirit from functioning. Remember this always: If God wanted a 'lepa' to come as you, he would have created one. You are simply okay. Once you can feel that in your spirit, you are ready to commence necessary adjustment to better yourself. Psychologically sick people hardly make fundamental progress.
You could also develop a personal dress code that will bring out your true shape and beauty instead of wishing for what others wear. If you wish to meet an expert for advice, please do not hesitate. Do anything to be happy while working to be better. Monique has consulted with an expert and although she is still big, she has an amazing body and can wear anything she wants to. Watch her TV show and see what she has become. Also, take a second look at Queen Latifa, she recently appeared on BET wearing a fabulous evening gown. With determination and advice, nothing is impossible.
Finally, if you don't like how you look, do something about it. Hit the gym, start dieting, start walking and do anything except crying or having a pity party. Things do not change when we sit and lament or hate people who ignore and laugh at us because of our weight. Things do change when you get on your feet and do something about the problem.
After my post yesterday, i got several replies to the questions asked in my email but they came in bits and pieces. This one from Shaunna Jackson is more comprehensive and i decided to post it. Surprisingly, it's from a WOMAN. i think it makes a lot of sence too. do you agree with this response or not? please note: Responses are in red. Enjoy.
why do men...
1) Have sex with women they do not have any iota of love for?
Men, like women are sexual beings. But their commitment to one woman does not emerge as reality until they have decided to “settle down” and get it together.
2) Repeatedly claim they want a woman who’s not interested in their bank account, but are quick to tell a woman how much they are worth by buying her expensive jewelries and dinners?
Men want to be appreciated for their ability to provide, not pursued for that reason.
3) Say they are not ready for any form of commitment in relationship yet want a woman to be?
It is a double standard, not appropriate for men or women.
4) Want us to be almost completely hairless under our clothes – that’s sexy. But when we ask them to trim their chest, armpits or down there, it is considered an insult to their masculinity. When has too much hair become sexy?
It is a matter of preference. Some men prefer a well groomed (not bare) woman.
5) Express their interest in a woman, when they're know they are unavailable.
Usually, because they know they can get away with it.
6) Don't understand that a good job, integrity and confidence win over expensive cars, jewelry and clothes.
Tangible things are attached to a man’s ego. His security is in what he has, and his ability to get more, not how he feels. He is not a woman.
7) Read playboy magazine and complain if we felt a little self-conscious? We don't look like porn queens if that’s the message they want us to receive. It’s not fair on us.
Men are visual beings. They are not necessarily trying to replace a woman, just trying to get more thrill from the woman they have. Try being the porn queen for a night if that’s what he wants…you both might enjoy it.
8.) Say they don't like a drama queen or a bitch, but are always attracted to one. This explains why the good girls are still single.
For the same reason women end up with abusive, confrontational men; insecurity. Men are not attracted to drama. They are attracted to whatever came BEFORE the drama; ( sex, looks, a woman’s ability and willingness to provide for him etc.).
9) Lie all the time? Can’t men be honest with women about what they don't do, what they do, what they will do, what they won't do?
Because there are no standards. If he is lying all the time get rid of him. Men will continue to do whatever women tolerate. If there is no consequence, there is no reason to stop right?
10) Treat us like angels when we're just friends, but the moment we say yes and give them our hearts, honesty and intimacy goes out the window.
He was not ready for you. He may have thought that’s what you wanted even though his heart wasn’t in it just yet.
11) Think if we keep their house clean, cook their meal or are nice to them, we're trying to wife them or we’re desperate? Just because we're not going to keep you doesn't mean we should treat you like ****.
You led him to believe you wanted more. Why are you doing all the things a wife would do if you don’t want to be the wife?
12) Why are men so insensitive? For instance, my boyfriend doesn’t know my moods and what I need until I tell him. If I told him everything, he thinks I am hard to please. It’s so frustrating with men.
Men’s sensitivities are programmed much different then a woman. They do not usually mean to be rude, they are just acting according to the guidelines of the creator. That is why we have to work together to understand and complement each other.
13) Think we talk too much.
Because we do. It is a proven and known fact that men do not require as much conversation as women.
14) Talk too little to us. Are we so trivial to them?
They don’t know how. Women communicate differently than men, and they are usually afraid of doing it wrong so they don’t do it at all.
15) Act like they don't care when they really do. Today’s woman is fighting being tagged desperate when she shows men that she’s interested.
Men like the game of pursuit.
16) Cheat? How on earth does a man explain having a beautiful wife or girlfriend and yet finds her friend attractive? He should at least show some respect and do a stranger.
Because they can. But they don’t cheat alone, the same standard must be set for women.
17) Hesitate from telling their female friends about us or even acknowledge our relationship when I meet their female friend. If they liked their female friends in a romantic ways, why did they approach us?
That depends on the relationship with the other women. The man might just be trying to see how the others feel about the “new one”. We women treat each other pretty badly sometimes. Men don’t like drama!
18) Talk about their ex. all the time. It’s not just right. If you miss her, go back to her
That was someone he cared a lot about. Men don’t talk about women they are happy to see gone.
19) Buy the wrong size condom. It freaks me out big time.
Perhaps because they have inflated opinions of themselves. LOL.
20) why do men discuss our sex life with their dudes? Our bedroom life is not joke. If you don’t have anything to say, keep quiet. Don’t use our private lives in public.
Because they are not mature enough in that area. Boys brag, men know how to keep private things private.
21) Know they're bad in bed and don't call the next day to save themselves the embarrassment.
Please - Men don’t know this! If you don’t say they are, they will assume they are not.
22) Think we like to be impressed and so wanna buy the whole world for us. Yes we like it sometimes but all the time is just unromantic and dominating. We want to contribute too.
Men are intimidated by a woman who contributes. Some are thoroughly surprised and desire it to happen once in a while. Most men believe that is what we want and expect.
23) Introduce us to everyone? “Meet my girlfriend” is cool but sometimes we need to be asked if we want to meet people. Sometimes we need to be ready to meet people.
They are excited and proud to be with you. Enjoy it.
24) Runaway from getting married us. What are they waiting for?
Just remember, men do not run from what they are comfortable with.
25) Play hard to get and begin to beg for more when we flirt with them just a little.
All part of the game of pursuit and capture.
26) Hesitate in approaching women who caught their interest. How do they expect us know everything and wait until they man-up? When we are taken, they come and cry at our place.
Men are just as insecure about rejection as women. Make it easier, present yourself as a pleasant, interesting woman. Some women just look mad and bothered all the time, even at the club.
27) Express themselves clumsily especially when it concerns emotions. Why are they so shy about how they feel?
Give a guy a break. Men do not communicate like women. Figure out together how he communicates best. Its not a one way street. Men are not like women!
28) Love Manchester United, Chelsea, Arsenal, Barcelona so much? They can even ignore us for these clubs. Are we so ordinary?
What?
29) Look at every woman that walks past them.
They don’t look at every woman, only the ones they find interesting and attractive. Ordinary women like me, never get so much as a side glance.
30) Wait for us to say, “I love you” first?
They want to know where our thoughts are. But, not all men do. Many are quick with that sentiment.
31) Hide their smile in pictures? Is that masculinity too?
Could just be shy. Maybe he doesn’t like pictures, not everyone does.
32) Want to have every electronic device in this world? We only need our microwaves, freezers, cookers etc but with men, toys are new every morning.
Men like toys.
33) Withhold the truth from their women. A woman can handle the truth more than a man. Don’t chicken- out, when the truth needs be told – we can handle it.
Men don’t like drama and if we never demonstrate that we can handle the truth, they will never share the truth. A lot of a man’s response is based on how we have acted or reacted in the past.
34) Have only one orgasm and too soon? Sometimes we want more. What do they want us to do when they cum? Wait for another one hour or day?
You cannot generalize a man’s sexual performance. Everyone behaves differently. Maybe you need to learn new ways to extend your time together.
35) Have a 30-second attention span? They just switch off like we are so inconsequential?
That depends on what is going on. Men are not interested in time consuming events they find trivial.
37) Why can't they shave (down there)? We like it clean too.
They can, and they will. Give them an appealing reason to. It’s a two way street, if they know it turns you on and makes your experience better, chances you’ll get what you want.
38) Why do they wait to see our buttocks and bust before getting interested?
Some men are only interested in sex at that point. If you know that’s all it is, keep walking.
39) Have double standards when it comes to unfaithfulness. If they do my friend, she was the one who threw herself on them and I have to get over it, but if I do their friend, I'm a whore and worthless.
Insecurity. It is not more acceptable for a man to cheat than a woman. Period.
40) Try to control us like we are babies? We have our will and we can make decisions too.
Men are created to be providers, but if it becomes a manner of domination…time to leave.
41) Complain about everything – our clothes, food, friends and even our sex. It sucks. We need appreciation and not criticism.
Men don’t complain when they are happy.
42) Ask for your phone number sometimes with tears in their eyes, but don’t call when they get it. Some text and the rude ones flash.
Playing a game.
43) Start blocking or shut down when we're having real talk. We love to have a conversation to know you better not to be your momma.
I haven’t figured this one out.
44) Think money can buy them love and it's what they spend that we love about them. Money will buy you other things but our love? You have to earn it by developing a personality and a sense of integrity and honor honestly.
Good answer to your own question. Tell your man that.
45) Say they want a woman who can explore and be creative sexually, but when they get that, they think she's a whore and have been with several men. When we are numb, they complain too.
Like some women, some men don’t know what they want.
46) Show no interest in us until someone else has us?
The pursuit and capture game again. Men like and appreciate something they have to work for.
47) Claim to be fearless, but when faced with real, “honest to God” love, you think it’s unnatural and you turn tail and run. Do you want us to be wicked?
Love is intimidating, and the thought of being “tied down” is unappealing.
48) think that if I asked them to ease up on an annoying habit like being overly sarcastic, forgetting my special days, ignoring me, or even cheating, why do they think I'm trying to be their momma?
Probably because that’s what momma does.
49) find easier to say it’s over in marriage?
Hmmm. Im not married yet, and hope I never have to find out.
50) Delay in marrying the mother of their child(ren)? If she's good enough to warm your bed and have your child(ren), she should be good enough to be your wife. If it's “just a piece a paper,” then you should have no problem signing it. I find this evil because there are a lot of single mothers everywhere.
Well said.
51) Keep playing video games over the age of 18.
Perhaps that is what gives them the most satisfaction. In a game they have a chance of winning once in a while.
52) Have only one dick and yet keep many women? What’s wrong with being with just one woman for the rest of their ******* life?
If someone spoke to me the way you asked this question, I’d look for someone else too. But remember, men will play until they are ready to settle.
53) Buy me a drink and think I owe them my time? You offered, I didn't ask. If I have to pay, you can keep your lousy drink – I can afford one for myself.
They are trying to get a feel for who you are. You owe them the decency of at least a minute or two. You don’t have to sleep with a guy or date him. Just honor him buy accepting his gesture. Not everything has a string attached. Don’t be so hard!
54) say that that they want to take a break from the relationship, but call me from time to time to see if I have got myself a new boyfriend and even get upset when a friend takes me out?
Insecurity. Men don’t like to know they have been replaced too soon.
55) Display their insecurity when other men are around me? If they cannot trust themselves with other chicks, I can. I am not like them.
It is what you say it is…insecurity. Women do the same thing.
56) Expect me to act to like their exes? Just because the last girl was impressed by their car, money, or moved in with them, what makes them think that I will act that way? We may all be women but we have different values.
Men try to create an ideal woman in their minds. They put us all together an expect perfection, no matter how impossible they know that is.
57) Find it hard to lose gracefully to a woman
Ego. Ego. Ego. Men play to win.
58) Use curse words?
Why does anyone?
59) Why do men punish women with silence? Communication is paramount to us. I told my husband to expect nagging when he ignores me. He is adjusting now. He better! Lol.
Why do women punish men with sex? It’s a two way street. Sex is paramount to men. I don’t appreciate being shut out either but men don’t know how to do anything but shut down, run away, or simply disappear when a situation is not as right as they want it to be. Nagging only creates conflict. Find ways to communicate effectively. Silence and nagging are relationship killers.
