REAL MEN ASK TODAY! True or False?

In the world, one single rule applies to the men: Make the Woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

-- You make the bed (+1)
-- You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
-- You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
-- You go out to buy her what she wants (+5)
-- In the rain (+8)
-- But return with Beer (-5)
-- You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
-- You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
-- You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
-- You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
-- It's her pet (-10)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

-- You stay by her side the entire party (0)
-- You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)
-- Named Tina (-4)
-- Tina is a dancer (-10)

HER BIRTHDAY

-- You take her out to dinner (0)
-- You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
-- Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
-- And it's all-you-can- eat night (-3)
-- It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can- eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT

-- You take her to a movie (+2)
-- You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
-- You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
-- You take her to a movie you like (-2)
-- It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)
-- You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE

-- You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
-- You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
-- You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
-- You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)

ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION

-- She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]
-- You hesitate in responding (-10)
-- You reply, "Where?" (-35)
-- Any other response (-20)

COMMUNICATION

-- When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned _____expression (0)
-- You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
-- You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
-- She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)

I am really laughing right now. Are you? I have to be really careful o! i need all them points o!

RELAX! God still works in miraculous ways...

A rich owner of real estate once found an aging couple to be long in arrears in their rent, and so, following his invariable principle of “good business” he decided to evict them. He told his lawyer to follow through the procedure. The lawyer, however, did not present him with an accomplished eviction, so the property owner and the lawyer had a talk. The lawyer said, “I shan’t press your claim. You can get someone else to take the case, unless you’d rather withdraw it.”

The property owner decided to know what was on the lawyer’s mind, “so you think there’s no money in it?” “Oh! There’d be some money in it, since I understand you want to sell the house once it’s empty. But I don’t want the case anyway.” The property owner wondered what’s going on. “Did you get frightened out of it?” “No, not at all.” Replied the lawyer. “Ah-ah! The old coot who doesn’t pay his rent begged to be let off.” Said the angry property owner. “Well! Yes” “And you soften? He begged you and you went musty? That’s a terrible way to do business. If he’d tried that on me. I’d have…”He didn’t beg me to let him off. He didn’t have to say a word to me.” Interrupted the lawyer. Well, he certainly didn’t beg me to let him off, so may I respectfully inquire to whom he did address himself.

The lawyer said quietly, “he addressed himself to God almighty.” “So he fell on his knees when you asked for the rent and he…” replied the property owner angrily. “No. He didn’t know I was there. It wasn’t for my benefit. You see, I knocked on the door and nobody answered. The door was ajar. I thought the old couple might have left already, so I walked in. the place is pretty bare, and I found myself looking through a half open door into a bedroom where a white haired woman was popped up in bed, on pillow. I was just about to clear my throat to let her know I’d come in when she said to someone else in the room: “I’m ready now. You go ahead, pa.

A man who was very old came from the other end of the room and knelt beside the bed. I couldn’t move or say a word then, for the life of me. And the old man prayed, with his hands in the woman’s hands. First he reminded God that they were his submissive children, ma and he, and no matter what he saw fit to bring upon them, they wouldn’t rebel against his will. But it was going to be hard for them to be homeless in their old age, with ma so sick and helpless, and oh, how different it might have been if he had spared only one of their three sons, but the boys were no longer on this earth.

The lawyer wiped his eyes. “I cried then,” he said, “but I still kept very quiet. And then I listened to him reminding the Lord about the safety of those who put their trust in the Lord, and how it wasn’t going to be pleasant to go to the almshouse after a life of living together in a home of their home. And yet, he told the Lord; he knew there is such a thing as a first bargain with ones neighbor, and he ended by asking the Lord’s blessing on…” the lawyer choked up. “Not on me!” the property owner said hoarsely.

Well he mentioned no name. But he prayed for the Lord’s blessing on those who are about to collect their just dues. Well…I tipped out. And that is the end of that case as far as I’m concerned. I’d rather go to the poor house myself than evict that old couple.

He seized the other man’s arms. “Look! I’ll pay their rent myself, right now if you’d let them stay in that house.” “No!” the property owner said. He rose and walked to the window. After a moment he dabbed his eyes. “I’ll let them stay as long as they wish.” He turned and said ruefully, “I wish you hadn’t listened to that petition not intended for your ears or mine.”

The lawyer shook his head. “No it was intended that I hear it and tell it to you. My old mother used to sing about God moving in mysterious way…

“I’ve heard that too.” The property owner said. He twisted the claim paper in his hands, and then tore them up. Well, why don’t you go over there in the morning and uh-take this ten dollar bill and bring them a basket of groceries.”

“I’ll match that ten and bring them a bigger basket.” And-uh-just tell them the rent has been paid, will you?” yes paid in a mysterious way.” The two men smiled at each other.

See you guys soon